Your 2010 Fifa World Cup Questions Answered

These questions about South were posted on a South African Tourism Website by foreigners around the world and were answered by the website owner (great sense of humour!)
Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking.  Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, its only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...  Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? (Sweden) A: So its true what they say about Swedes...  Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffreys Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA) A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked. Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and well send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? (France) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? (USA) A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs.  Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? (France) A: Only at Christmas.  Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? (Germany) A: Not yet, but for you, we ' ll import them.  Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.  Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.  Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but youll have to learn it first.

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