You Broke Your What?!?!
Your Penis? Oh wait, you broke a Record?
ooks. Some of these sex-related records are pretty mild, some are fucking strange and some and downright daft.
Longest Kiss
The Winners: James Belshaw and Sophia Severin from the UK
The Record: In 2005, Belshaw and Severin kissed nonstop for 31 hours, 30 minutes and 30 seconds at The Plaza Shopping Centre in London. The couple weren’t allowed to fall asleep – or even sit. They had to drink through a straw without stopping sucking face and even kept at it when gonig to the loo. Who wants to take a shit when you're kissing?!
Largest Natural Breasts
The Winner: Annie Hawkins-Turner from the US (stage name Norma Stitz – a play on ‘normous tits’
The Record: She’s held the Guiness World Record for the biggest tits since 1999 – when each of them weighed 12.7kg and her bra size was 48V. She cashed in by appearing in men’s magazines and making porn films. Since then her jugs have increase in value – and in size : she’s put on weight and now wears a 72ZZZZ bra.
Biggest Penis
The winner: Jonah Cardeli Falcon from the US.
The Record: Size does not matter when you have the largest penis in the world. Falcon, 39, is a New Yorker with a 24.13cm penis – when its flaccid. When he gets excited, it’s a scary 34.29cm. Falcon hasn’t had a relationship in 12 years. Wonder why?
Strongest Vagina
The Winner: Tatiata Kozhevnikova from Russia.
The Record: Kozhevnikova can lift 14kg with her vagina (don’t fucking ask). She’s been training her vaginal muscles for 15 years because she was convinced they were weak after she had a baby. She recommends five minutes of Kegel exercises every day so you can enjoy sexual pleasure (and take up vaginal weightlifting)?
Longest Time Spent Masturbating by a Woman
The Winner: Kitty Kat from the US
The Record: Kitty Kat masturbated continuously for seven hours and six minutes at the 2008 San Francisco Masturbate-A-Thon. The 28 year old erotic masseuse wore pink cat ears and masturbated with dildos, a vibrating five-fingered glove and a sex machine, and had an orgasm approximately once an hour. Can you say fanny frayed?
Longest Time Spent Masturbating by a Man
The Winner: Masanobu Sato from Japan.
The Record: Sato became the masturbating champ of the world after he went at it continuously for nine hours and 58 minutes at the 2009 San Francisco Masturbate-A-Thon. He works for a company that makes artificial pussies, yeah thats right, fake Love Rugs!
Furthest Ejaculation
The Winner: Horst Schultz from the US.
The Record: Shultz has he carming record of his seme travelling 5,71m (Reportedly as substantial amount managed to go the distance). The record for female ejaculation is said to be three metres but no-one has named the talented squirter.
Most Sexual Partners in a Day
The Winners (or Losers): Jon Dough and Houston, US porn stars.
The Record: Dough was supposed to sleep with 101 women in one day, but only “managed” to do 52 of them. Houston had sex with 620 men in one day – the average session with each man last about 58 seconds.
Largest Orgy
The winner: Japan
The Record: A total of 250 couples (500 bodies) came together to set this record. The event took place in a warehouse and was recorded for the world to see. In true Jap style it was perfectly co-ordinated – each sex act and position was choreographed. You can even purchase the fucking DVD for only $40
